Taking Back Your Power: How to Use the "Let Them" Theory with Overbearing Parents

Do you ever feel like your parents are just a little too involved in your life? Maybe they constantly criticize your choices or try to control your every move. If you're nodding your head right now, you're not alone. Many people struggle with overbearing parents.

The good news is, there's a powerful strategy you can use to reclaim your emotional freedom: The Let Them Theory.

What is the Let Them Theory?

The Let Them Theory, authored by Mel Robbins, is a simple but powerful approach that helps you detach from your parents' overbearing behavior and focus on your own well-being. Here's the core idea: When your parents try to control or criticize you, mentally say "Let them." This is a way of acknowledging that you can't change their behavior, but you can control how you react to it.

Key Points to Remember When Using the Let Them Theory

• Recognize Your Limitations: You can't control your parents' actions, only your own reactions.

• Accept Their Actions:  Instead of getting into arguments, accept that this is how they are.

• Set Boundaries:  "Letting them" doesn't mean letting them walk all over you. Set clear boundaries and stick to them.

• Focus on Your Emotions: When your parents are being overbearing, use "Let them" to detach from their behavior and manage your own emotions.

• Practice Self-Compassion: It's okay to feel frustrated, but don't let their behavior define you.

How to Use the Let Them Theory in Action

Let's look at a real-life scenario:

• Scenario: Your parent constantly criticizes your career choice as an artist even though your are making a living and can afford yourself.

• Let Them Response: "I understand that they have concerns about my career path. I'm going to 'let them' have their opinion and focus on "letting me" make decisions that are right for me."

Here is one more from my own experience:

• Grandfather: Why do you need to enroll in a Master's program? That's just more debt and you could start working and earn a living.

• My Response: "I understand that is how things worked when he graduated from college and entered Aerospace Engineering. I'm going to "let him" have his opinion and focus on my own choices for my career path."

• Result: He eventually came to understand my career requires a Master's Degree for the over all goal of independent practitioner which was a hope he had for me all along.

By using the Let Them Theory, you're taking back your power. You're acknowledging your parents' concerns, but you're also choosing not to let their negativity affect you.

Here are some additional tips for using the Let Them Theory:

• Don't JADE: Don't Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain yourself. This will only keep you stuck in a negative cycle.

• Take Care of Yourself: Make time for activities that help you relax and de-stress.

• Build a Support System: Surround yourself with positive and supportive people.

• Seek Professional Help: If you're struggling to cope with your parents' behavior, consider talking to a therapist.

Remember, the Let Them Theory is a journey, not a destination. There will be times when it's harder to use than others. But by practicing these techniques, you can start to detach from your parents' negativity and build a healthier, happier relationship with them.